Too MUCH?

So I am sitting here racking my brain, on the issues at hand.. So many many many issues...Monkey's are being mistreated, the president is senselessly killing american girls and boys, there's a climate crisis...People are losing it in our own front yard, its ok for us to go abroad and savagely kill others for monetary gain, (just don't do it in our own front yard or suddenly 31 people's lives that are lost seem important to the government, when in reality the 3000 soldiers who have died means squat as long as we get that oil)
of course this isn't what the president tells you,, they(the bush admin) tell you we're fighting a war on terror...In the name of terrorism give us control of that oil...Yes it definetely feels like a sloppy attempt by the government to slather morality mayonaise on the bread of horrorible capitalistic measures to seize control...Just cover the bread with the mayonaise, it will still look good...What happened to gov't for the people by the people....Now it looks more like , gov't for the people we buy....Its all too much! Why isn't someone standing up and taking action? Why the hell do only a few know about the climate crisis that is facing the world? Why when EVERYONE knows that a month ago britney spears shaved her head? Whats wrong people, what has happened?

Wake up!


Laura

Differrent

What do you do when you think differently? What happens when people say oh yeah I get it, to ninety nine percent of the shit you say? What happens when you thnk so differenty than the majority of the world? Let me tell you what happens....You feel alone! You talk, walk, live and ar alone...Something or someone has given you a gene that makes you think this way. Maybe it was given to you to make a difference, maybe you're supposed to revolutionize the world...But its hard to revolutionize anything when you are your only fan... People don't get me..What makes me laugh doesn't make others laugh... its kinda like banging your head against a brick walll....

Anyone who is a science fiction fan has got to check out the website for Sanctuary, just click on the banner at the bottom of this page...This show is going to be web based. And it looks incredible it stars amanda tapping from stargate sg-1. But get this the entire set is filmed on green screen/...No set locations, few props, most of it is computer generated...If you watch the trailer you will be amazed, because it looks soo real...Eventually they plan to make it interactive, where the viewers participate in the story lines and everything..Im really excited about it!! I think the first webisodes are going to air in may..

message boards, instigation and drama

Ok normally I never speak up or anything when I'm on a fansite message board. I know better, if you don't agree, just don't respond but today, I made the stupid mistake of opening my mouth or well in this case letting my fingers run wild...There was a post beneath mariska hargitay's pics at a gotham magazine party or whatever it was. This post said *I was gagging all the way through until the last two, BD is cute : ) Ok well there has been a lot of complaints lately of Olivia and elliot being the center of the show (law and order svu) putting the other characters on the back-burner.. It didn't used to be that way, really it was a team effort and I am in agreement with them for the most part. Ok back to the post, Chris Meloni was also in a few of the pics that I'm talking about, I assumed that this person was gagging because of all the attention the actor and actress were recieving once again, So me being a Mariska fan, was a little offended by the remark.... So i just wanted to bring to light the fact that even though Mariska was receiving alot of the lime light...It didn't mean she wasn't still a good actress and a good person....So I posted beneath this persons post, these feelings...Hell my exact post was this...Ya know, I know Mariska has been in the lime light alot but still it doesn't mean that she isn't a good actress, she does try to help people but thats just my opinion... And of course i caught hell...What I said is now "The attacking and accusing post" And of course the person who posted it was gagging over Mariska's hair, And i made an extreme assumption....So whatever thats all i have to say, I'm a firm believer in if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all...whenever i break that rule I suffer

spring, A's and papers

Spring is here, everyone is excited but me, the cynic. Florida summer's are HOT!! So the arrival of spring is a foretelling of the summer that looms around the corner. So no I am not happy to see spring...I'm not happy to see the onset of 100 degree temps..I am not happy to feel sticky and sweaty.. No i don't like summer...LOL
So I still have an A in english Class... I have a research paper that I have been busting my arse on, which would be why I haven't posted for awhile... Frankly the time I spend on the internet searching for sources, leaves me little desire to sit on the computer if I don't have too! Which is a good thing because God knows I let the puter eat up too much of my time before so I've been watching movies and reading in my sparse spare time LOL

Fearlessness, triumph, and courage

Fearlessness, a word that The Joyful Heart Foundation uses as one of its empowering logo's, an adjective, that when spoken, and applied becomes the purest definition of empowerment that exists in a Survivor's vocabulary. Fearlessness embodies the sense of taking back one's soul and finding the courage and strength within to continue to move forward in the face of horrific adversity.
JHF has a positive spin on a depraved and untimately tragic subject. How can anyone incorporate such words as joyful in the midst of such degradation? The explaination is simplistic and even trite, yet it is a founded truth. Experiences do not define who we are, we define the experiences. Although we did not have a choice when we were assaulted. We have the choice now! We can choose to overcome, we can choose to heal, we can choose to build something good from the horror's we've endured. We have the power to choose, JHF, promotes possibilties, for survivors these are endless. There's so much good that we can choose to fight for. Justice, healing, speaking out, all these are avenues that survivors can travel proudly, choosing to take their lives back into their own hands. Which road will you choose?

stand back up

"Stand back up" is a song by the band Sugarland. I really love the song. It talks about getting back up after you've been hurt, abused...No matter what, standing back up ready to take what lies ahead. My favorite line in the song says "If what don't kill you, makes you stronger then when I take my last breath thats when I'll just give up"... And that strikes a chord within me... I think its because it inspires me to keep on fighting. the fight, even when I think I'm at the end of my rope. The experience of being sexually assaulted is horrid enough on its own, but there's something much worse than the experience itself., Its called the aftermath. And I don't know why, I mean I can't explain anything, other than my life stopped in those moments . And every minute afterwards, until about a year ago is hazy... I mean, its not like I don't have memories of the time in between. But its as if, they are up above me floating in a thick fog. Giving the illusion that if I tried really hard and jumped on my tippy toes, I could catch them by the tail and everything would be clear again...
There were times when I felt like an emotionless void, I felt nothing, I didn't care about anything. I didn't want contact with anybody from the past at all..There was. only one that I really kept in contact with and I think it was because if I hadn't had some voice of reason, i probably would have self destructed. But even that contact was limited...
And my God right after the attack, I latched on like a leech to the worst set of hosts imaginable...I believe that I had some inner need to punish myself, because the people that I picked out to build relationships with, were just incapable of giving me anything at all in return... These were all relationships that were formed far away from the people I had known all my life, the people who had tried to be there for me when I was sexually assaulted... I couldn't deal with them, I couldn't look at anyone that I knew or associated with that "era" without being reminded of what happened, so I chose people who didn't know me and couldn't love me...Then when finally I was hurt untill the ends of my soul, that's when I just shut down every feeling and every capability of trust that I'd ever had.. That road has led me to having to fight really hard to feel once again...Its one of the hardest things imaginable...But Im making it, and now the bad days are still here, but they are far outweighed by the good...I'm proud of that, because its a battle I wouldn't wish on satan himself....Ok I"ve rambled enough for today, just felt like sharing

gripes rants and generally just pissed off

I had a bad day... I have to start my research paper from scratch because my instructor decides to tell us after we had gotten some sources and tried to write a thesis statement and a preliminary outline that if we're having trouble locating the sources it could be because the topic was to new to find much on it...So she politely suggested we use another topic. Why would you introduce something as an available topic, when there are no sources for it? The new topic fiasco happened at the end of my day, and from the beginning untill then, umm well lets just say that people have done an exceptional job of pissing me off in general... I'm taking my griping, ranting arse to bed..

Top ten reasons i believe in aliens

So here we are, spinning on a big iron ball. Living our silly little lives, and eating popcorn. While the government covers up the existance of the SGC and the stargates that are buried on our planet.....Oh wait, that's a tv show... So we're living our silly little lives while the government covers up genetic mutations with alien and human DNA, no no no no thats a tv show too...

Top 10 reason's I believe in Aliens and the stargate

10. It makes me feel intelligent
9. I'm a geek

8. I am a government cover up, I was conceived in a test tube in order to isolate and eliminate the lesbian gene (it didn't work)

7. My cat talks to me using advanced alien technobabble
6. I once was abducted by aliens, the spaceship was named "The southern Baptist Church"
5. I have a grandiose complex and believe I am a conduit for intergallatic communication ( no one else understands me so alien's must)
4. I entertain deviant thoughts, such as the american president, may have the lowest IQ of any political leader in the history of the universe.
3. I talk to characters on my televison and they respond... (thus a form of plot control)
2. We're always in the presence of UFOS (Ubiquitous forces Of Stupidity).

And the number one reason I believe in aliens...

1 Because I am one, I hail from the planet Antimoron, in the galaxy of free thought

No Bullshit, no facade, just Hollywoodfarmgirl

Famously fabulously phony, those are the words that come to mind when I think of the glitter that lines the streets of Hollywood. What must it be like, to smile and nod for the camera, wave at some fan who squees their name uncontrobally. How long is it before the fans turn into the vast mob that takes away any normalcy that the smiling nodder had ever hoped for? What causes us to just go ape shit over the next pretty face that covers our tv screen? Aren't people, just people? I mean yeah some are gorgeous, some are snobs, some are immoral, but aren't they just human beings? Don't they use the bathroom, have bad breath in the morning? So why the huge and encompassing squees over just regular people? I guess because we need an escape... From the days that our heroes were living in a book, to the days our heroes spoke unseen through the radio, up till today where we live and are bombarded with these heroes through our papers, our tv's and computer screens, they've all held some sort of god like rule over us.. But I wonder if people ever realize that so much of the time, what they see with these people is not what they get... A smile, a wave, an autograph -- all of this is done for their job, just like we hand someone change back when they purchase something at our check out line, these people are required to hand back a smile. I'm not saying we don't need these heroes or our fantasies, but lets be somewhat real about it...Lets not make it our life's goal to hound them... Lets not live and breathe for a glimpse of their private life... And most of all, when you do by chance get to catch one of these heroes being real...For god sakes lets back the hell off and let them continue to be that way rather than smacking them in the proverbial face, only to kick our own selves in the ass because we made it so, they were forced to put the make-up all over their face, slap on the phony smiles... wave and blow meaningless kisses

sleepless nights

Its hot, my a/c is on the fritz and I live in sunny florida, how can it possibly be humid this early? I live in north central Florida. There's no reason for this... Yes I am whining, too misrable to do anything else, and the service company, is gonna be a few days. Oh well it could be worse...Anyone catch nashville star? I did of course the finale was tonight.. Angela won, I am very excited i actually voted for her. Ok i'm going back in front of the fan, when air becomes a convience I get to enjoy again, I'm sure I'll be once again full of babel...Until then, pray for cooler temps so that I don';t melt...I am made of sugar ya know..hahahahaha

Troubling Poetry

Well, apparently poetry writing is getting me into a heap of trouble. I have been writing poetry since the 4Th grade. I think its a little obvious to my professor. Basically I have been told to quit taking poetic license with my essays. So that means I must write in the proper grammatical structure. Well the trouble with this is I've been out of school for six years. During this time I've continued in my poetic endeavors. And actually forgotten how to write clearly. So I'm in trouble, I'm going to have to hunt for grammar help. Unfortunately I don't have much insight to offer today, other than poetry is going to lead to my inevitable academic death. Thus trapping me in my head where I'll be the only one who understands my creative and yet lonely sentence structure.

Xfiles, insight, and destination

Surprise surprise, someone who has titled their blog "destination twilight zone" is an XFILES fan. I loved this show, I came into it very late, actually it was after I saw the Xfiles movie that I began tuning in. On this show in regards to the writing, the writers have to be the cruelest human beings on the planet...Always an undertone, always subtle, always almost but not quite...It drove me insane, hence the shows ummm unique appeal. It was all wrapped up in the romanticism of agent's Mulder and scully. I watched with fingers crossed each week, hoping that this would be the episode, it would happen this week, Mulder and Scully would proclaim their undying love for one another.. And what I usually got was a hint, sometimes not so subtle....And always brief, And voala one day it in the last season it finally happened... After Mulder quit, went underground, After Scully bared Mulder's son this long awaited day came, For those that aren't familiar at how this unison happened after Scully bared her partner's child...Your guess is as good as mine LOL??? But I digress, when it did happen, when they became a couple, it was the biggest TV screen disaster of all time... Perhaps the biggest series let down ever...Was it bad writing? bad timing? Nah, actually I think the writing was quite creative...I think the answer lies in long term anticipation. Art imitates life doesn't it? Frequently, what we want the most in life, once achieved, becomes a let down.... We often figure out the journey of desire is more exciting than the actual destination itself.. Oh deflated expectation, silly humans (I imagine thats what God and aliens say when they look in on us to make sure we haven't killed off our species)...
. OOOOOOOOOOhhh I stun myself with my own babel.. And remember "THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE".... However once you find it, you might be disappointed....

Insane ammunition

Picture a firing squad, rowed up, women all in military green uniforms, aiming rifles, using insanity for gun powder, and atrocious words as ammunition. Picture their foe strapped to a time withered, wooden pole, awaiting their pummeling and the slow death of their soul. Not that words can kill or even maim, no what they do is much worse. Its slow depraved torture, killing a minute piece of self esteem, a small fragment of that person's soul, one malicious utterance at a time. There have been times that I've been on the firing squad, aiming the gun believing that I had the right. I consider these instances to be the absolute worst mistakes I've ever made in my life, thus far.
And just where are you going with this you're probably wondering., I know, I know, I'm going to say something thats been said a million times before. Please bare with me, I just wanted to share a little insight.

Think about what you say, how you say it, and most importantly why you feel the need to say it. Much of the time the motivation is one of cruelty, motivated by the wounds within the gun gripper's soul... Whatever inflicted the wound often causes the one who wears it to resort to evil deeds as a means to heal the open sore. Sadly these atrocities that the gun holder commits just end up leaving the wound deeper and more decayed.

30 Rock and the worm

Let me say this first.. bahhhhahahahhahahahahhahahahhaaaaaaaaaa!!! Absolutely love this show!!!!!! Its pee pee on myself hilarious! Tina Fey is comedic genius along with Mr. Baldwin! I started watching it when I went to visit my mother and sister in Alabama.. When I returned however I didn't follow up with it very well. Anyways I went to NBC's website and caught the most recent episode online...I was doubled over with laughter. These people are so insanely funny and the girl that plays jenna, actually made me see her as someone other than the fruitcake serial killing twin from Law and Order SVU (which is my favorite all time tv show, I like poe come on what did ya expect?) Anyways tracy morgan is just awesome as well...The whole cast is terrific...I hope the show continues to do well, I see it earned a spot on NBC's prestigious thursday night line up so it can't be doing to bad. OK going to go watch some more episodes....Oh yeah and E weekend edition ended its Show today with M.E.'s Oscar nominated song from An inconvient Truth.

Mainstream

I will stand in line
Buy all the right shoes
Dye my hair so its less red
wear some heals
wear a skirt
Talk of pop
Eat my candy
Swallow my soul
Drink red wine
Be a girl
Follow the expectations
Mainstream at the seams
lie to all
Even me
So that I can be that
Which is mainstream

the line is too straight
the shoes are all wrong
The hairy lips are still red
the skirt has a tear
the pop went flat
the candy is sour
The soul turned to bile
the red wine turned to pennies
The girl found a hole in her vagina
The Expectation slithered into eve
Mainstream has been deceived
honesty to all
even me
So that I can be
anything but mainstream

People who don't give back

I've been in florida for a little over a year now. Within that time, I have gotten reaquainted with family members whom I'd not seen since I was a small child. What I have learned from that experience is that I don't like them very much. I have a cousin, who I used to spend quite a bit of time with when I first arrived here. I live on a lowly monthly income so when things got really tight, they suggested a roommate. Its a guy that until recently worked with my cousin's husband.. Well my cousin's husband quit his job, dale, my roommate does not drive because of a suspended liscense.Neither do I as far as that goes, not because of a suspended liscense, its due to it being nonexistant. So therefore, when this happened it left my roomate without a job as well.. So this is my rant. We, Dale and I, have loaned money to my cousin. I've helped them with yard work, yard sales, keeping their daughter...House work...for nothing in return... Now that the chips are down, they won't answer our phone calls or anything... Its been two weeks... Dales income helps me live a little more comfortably. I could do it without him but it would be tight. Ok the problem is, I don't have enough to support Dale... I can't throw him out, there's no where for him to go...What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm hoping that things work themselves out.. Trying to stay optimistic...However it still doesnt keep me from wanting leave a nasty message on my cousin's answering machine. Lovely words come to mind, thank goodness they have a child, so thats the one thing that prohibits me from actually going through with the colorful messages i'd like to leave

quite chatty

Oh a new thought!! Oh boy gotta go blog it down, hehehe Not really, Honestly I have another essay due this tuesday and I'm hoping to take snippets from the flow of babel that I've blogged so far and construct an essay from it.. I work better that way. Ok well the new thought--- how come I'm not funny? I like funny, I'm easy to laugh, I'm a goober but I can't write humor? How weird is that? I get called a dork, almost daily for something corny that just seems to fall out of my mouth.. Oh well i shall work on it, and i'll ask the TBS station for help

Impressionless impressions

First impressions---I've heard that most base their opinions on a person on that sole encounter. If that were true, I'd be screwed royally. hahaha, I have moebius syndrome.. its a disorder that impares facial movement.. Imagine going through your life without being able to smile? Its my life, my world. Most who first meet me, either think I'm mentally challenged or that I've been victim to a stroke. It also causes speech imparement. So to say the least adversity has been a close personal confidante of mine. But there are the gifts that go with it, I can look beyond what I see... I am strong, I am a survivor, I am kind, I am grateful for this curse....Afterall who would I be without it?

common ground, light years apart & hollywoodfarmgirl

There's a blog I have been reading over the past few years. The person who writes is an artist of words. There's an intense honesty and heart felt philosophy in this person's words that inspire me. I can identify with her words, her introspection and maybe even her perceptions. . There's a feeling of common ground. Light years apart and there's a common ground.. Its funny how I can find common ground with someone I don't know, rather than finding it with the people around me. Most of the people in my life just don't get me... Never have and never will, whether its my own fault, maybe I don't give them the chance, or maybe its just the soul that I was born with is too different... Who knows? All i know is I am thankful for blogs like hollywoodfarmgirl's.... I am grateful for common ground..

An easy "A"

I am taking english comp 1 at the local community college. I got my first essay back which was a narrative...I recieved an A, What bugs me is that beneath the "A", my instructor, wrote "A beautiful essay, Laura you have great courage" At first glance you might think, why would that bother someone...Well here's the twilight zone coming to bat once again in this silly thing called life. See I want to be a good writer, no scratch that a great writer.. I have huge grammar issues and some problems with the infiltrated cliche' here and there in my works....These issue's I am aware of.. What I'm not sure of is whether I got an A on that essay I turned in, because of the sensitivity of its content or whether it was based on the merit of a student who wrote a well written essay in her English Comp class? I wrote about an attack and a sexual assault that I had been through and how I came to terms with it, and how I'm on my way to moving past it... Sensitive topics that no one likes to hear about, I wonder if I had written an essay on being a lesbian and the issues that I stare at day in and day out, would I have gotten the same "A"? Would I still have great courage? Or would it be a "C" and no notation beneath it... Would my instructor look at me as a sinner from then on? I live in a small town and the minds are just that in this town, small.....

blurred lines

The essence of life--blurred lines. Concrete is as abstract as truth. The lines we live are blurred and hazy, ever changing ever curving, sometimes severed, sometimes straight. Oh how I used to long for the straight line of life. To be able to blend into a crowd, to not be cursed with a random genetic anomaly, something that has always instilled an insatiable drive to prove myself and somehow led to self destruction when I could not meet the bar I set for myself... I know drugs, I know depression and I know of suicidal feelings... I know of denying myself an inalienable right, One that the president has chosen to deny me. I know what its like to have fire and brimstone singe my truth. I know what its like to walk with demons and to eat with angels. I know what its like to have adversity deprive me of oxygen to the point of near extinction. I know what its like to live a blurred line.... And I wouldn't have it any other way..

Different

I am a college student, an older student, but still a student all the same. I named this destination twilight zone because I feel as if I may have originated there, and life has just been a journey to find my way home I am Different in more ways than most would believe. Yet I am the same, I bleed, feel, breath just the same as you. My thoughts are usually random, and fleeting at best....At worst they are cynical and sarcastic. Thus are the beginning ramblings of an average Jane, who has had a not so average life this far...